I tripped and it cost me a cast, injections and crutches. My Belgian doctor told me that I have an old fracture – he told me this after double-checking my x-ray. He was bothered when he saw a visible line from the x-ray results. There’s no pain. I can’t even feel the “crack”.
I can’t remember any injury that happened. Sometimes we were hurt and we totally cannot recall anything about it – just like some of our “pains”. Maybe because we are healed… or maybe because our brains blocked it totally from our system.
By the grace of God, He gave us the capacity to forgive. It’s the forgetting part that we really need to work on. Forgetting is hard – just like learning Math. We are all capable of forgiving – even if that person has experience some type of traumatizing betrayal they can still accept an apology. But people can be ruthless though so don’t expect one. We are taught that we have to deal with such pains internally before we can totally move on.
Whatever happened is now engraved into your brain. It has left an unpleasantly deep wound that hurts regardless of apologies, excuses or explanations. You’re officially damaged and what people fail to realize is that it’s long lasting. When you screw other people, you are leaving them emotionally disabled for some time. We recover and when we do eventually “get over” things, it only means that you’ve figured out a way to walk without each step hurting. You’ve learned to get along pain free because you walk with a limp to remain comfortable — and after so long, you make a habit of it.
Pain changes people. The lasting effects are simply inevitable. Then someone comes along and makes you consider trying what broke you in the first place. There’ll be days that you’ll wish that they’d just mess up or show some blinking warning signs so we can get out of being vulnerable early on. How can a person sincerely concerned over you and has no ulterior motives can cut you down eventually? That’s when we realize the extent of the previous damage, and just how broken we are. A shattered you has absolutely no idea how to respond to authentic care and affection, which is truly sad. The person or people from the past who’ve hurt you still linger, even long after they’re gone.
One time is all it takes. Once you’ve been broken, you don’t fully recover, so much as you teach yourself to get by. The scars are there, the lessons are learned, and the memories are imprinted. On your own time, you’ll have to drop the crutches, and when the time is right – the time that nobody knows when – you won’t even recall what happened then and if they make you remember you will not feel any pain.
After the cast and injections…I thought I am doing fine but then again that “familiar” ache is back.