Mommy thoughts today.

The weekend is over. Here I am sitting in my office cubicle and thinking about the weekend that was. I woke up at 530AM last Saturday. I woke up sad and teary because I thought it was Sunday. I find myself amusing most of the time. I sent a message to my husband and told him about what happened.

I read the whole week about toddler nutrition. I got paranoid and told my husband that I need to give Ellie more vegetables and fruits. Check her calorie intake and even make sure that she is given the right amount as indicated by the FOOD PYRAMID. I was even tempted to go ORGANIC ( I have nothing bad to say about Organic lovers it’s just that it is not for me). I went to the grocery and bought beetroot, oats, banana, wheat bread, yogurt. That was my weekend plan  – work on her meals. But I will save this meal stuff for another post. 

I spent the whole day taking care of our toddler who amazingly wants to walk on her own – but cannot. There are many failed attempts and I find it funny. Before we wanted her to crawl. We did everything to make her. And when she finally crawled we wanted her to stop. And now, the walking part.

Ellie now knows how to go down on the sofa and our bed. There are mini heart attacks every time. I wonder what will happen to me when she becomes a teenager. Motherhood – I always painted it in pastel colors – smooth, light and breezy. Now that she is starting to bump her head on corners, get bruises and scratches I am starting to think twice. This is the real thing now. Surviving every single day making sure that Ellie will survive her day too.

I have my weaknesses as a mom, I am not perfect and definitely not great. Motherhood is not what I picture it is. It is not a milk or diaper commercial. It is messy. The milk will spill and Ellie will keep on moving while I change her diaper, unlike those TVCs where the mom is smiling and the baby smiling back while they were dressing her etc. Motherhood is not a slideshow of picture perfect moments. It is scary, hard, beautiful, miraculous and frustrating all at the same time. A shower of emotions here and there.

My journey to motherhood is my story with my daughter. I am weak and imperfect. I know I am not the first mother who feel overwhelmed  and challenged but reality bites and you can never bite it back. I just need to push a bit more to become a better wife, better mom and a better woman. Not because the society said so but because that’s what I wanted.

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