The other day I scrolled back to my old blog posts and got all the feels. I can no longer find in me the girl who wrote such emotional entries. I cannot find the grip to start a post with so much whatever feelings I have that time.
I am an emotional writer. I am a stress writer. I write my feelings.
Before I level up to motherhood and wifey-hood – I grew tired of building a relationship with the opposite gender. I just felt tired. It is nonsense to get to know another person – thinking you know them already but no.I just stopped. At 27 – I even told my mom that I will not get married because I am done with all of them. I cannot believe I said that when all along when I was in high school I said I will get married by 24.
Then I realized that the issue is not other people BUT me.
I focused too much on them neglecting the fact that I should love myself first. I should love my life more than anything else. I began to think about myself – take care of myself more – learn more about me. Who am I? What do I really want? Self-knowledge gave me the edge of assessing where should I be.. what I can and cannot do? It may sound selfish but these took me to where I am now. Other people still matters but not all of them. I was able to move on from a toxic relationship.I learned more about my needs and wants as an individual. I ready myself for the future – my future and not for anyone. I did what’s best for me. I gathered myself back and on my journey I was able to meet different people – I learned from them too (and I am thankful that they were part of my life story). And finally – I met him – my hubby.We had a crazy love story that until now we are still filling up the pages.
Love life. Love your life. The road to self -discovery is not easy. Knowing yourself will help you decide on what you want. It will set boundaries and expectations. You will know how to work around it and you will find ways to fulfill goals. Loving “me” is an essential part of loving another person. You cannot give what you don’t have.
It took me years to know this – but I am still grateful that I was able to brave the path of self-discovery even when I don’t know where to begin that time :)